oopsy-diddy!

This fuckin trial has been there for these last 5 years! Stupidly, I always want to get it all over again. I mean, have you ever been loved by someone who is rich? No, not only that rich but frankly, really rich. Richy! How's your feeling when you are riding with the same man in different kind of expensive car for certain months every year? And then, he asks you having lunch or dinner in an exclusive restaurant. And you know, his family is respectable in your little town. Clearly, his future is soooooo much shine brightly blinding your eyes because he's just graduated from a well-known government school of your country.

That kind of man was just in love with me. Was. I know you'll say "come on Nyna do not live in your fairytale. There's that man, in a Cinderella story". I'm not going to force you to trust this story but I know he will breaking all the rules to see me.

It was 2007 where everything has just begun there. I had my first love, and a richy-fatty boy came dilatory telling something about invisible-loving, well, I don't know how to describe a love that couldn't be shown to everyone around because you've already had another one. Forbidden love? Too dramatic! Whatever. And in 2008 he continued his study at a governtment institution, I didn't remember but I guess we didn't meet in this year. I remember how he jumped into the car, sneak off his school in Bandung just to meet me in Jakarta for 2 hours. I guess I've droven him insane. In 2009 he came to our little town with a glory uniform -we were still friends, even more- he asked me to have some steak and talked a lot of things. We will be in touch if we are just going to meet. I got a boyfriend -so did he-, messed up, broke up, I find another boyfriend, messed up, broke up, finding again.. But he's still on my contact list. It feels like he's not going anywhere, he's there for me. Our invisible-loving still unclear. He's doing fine now. He became skinny, still hot anyway. He's mature mind, respect.. He's a man now.

My sister, my cousin and friends keep asking me to get a clear relation with him, but.. I don't know why it keeps blur on me. And now on 2012 there he comes, asking me to meet. And I.... I don't know what to do. I am afraid. Perhaps to be really in love with him. *.*

survive - saturated

bertahan pada saat jenuh yang benar-benar jenuh itu ternyata sesusah ini rasanya. aiiih, bodoh sekali kalau diingat-ingat. bagaimana saya yakin bahwa saya tidak akan menemukan titik yang paling dihindari semua orang. kejenuhan..

mungkin ini semua memang berawal dari kesalahan saya. tapi yang saya tidak mengerti kenapa dia berlarut-larut dengan perasaan sensitif dan pikirannya sendiri. yang terus saya lakukan hanya bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, bertahan, dan bertahan sampai saya sendiri bosan menulisnya..

saya sudah bilang, saya takut bosan bertahan. sampai tadi sekali lagi dia bilang untuk tidak ganggu dia dulu. seperti yang saya duga sebelumnya, saya ternyata tidak bertahan lagi. yah kalaupun titik ini harus dilewati untuk kebaikan, let it be. tapi kalau memang sudah jalannya di jalan lain, saya sendiri belum berani bilang saya sudah siap atau belum

honestly..

saya sayang sekali sama dia. saya sadar dia tidak seperti laki-laki lain. dia selalu manjakan saya, dia selalu ikut mauku, dia selalu utamakan saya tapi sekarang ini saya betul-betul capek untuk bertahan.